I Finally Experienced Integration

Hello again, whomever this is reaching. I write this entry from a place of deep reflection. I am fascinated by this concept of integration. It has long eluded my comprehension, though I’ve come across it many times in theoretical readings, particularly Jungian psychotherapy. The goal is integration. If you could somehow integrate aspects of your shadow self into your consciousness, then the work is done.

But what on earth is integration? What does it even mean? Various definitions explore the process of unifying parts into a whole. Experientially, what does this look like? Over your many years of development, you will undoubtedly learn many things about yourself, yet that awareness is not enough to make whole the disparate parts. You can know what is wrong, yet awareness is not enough to overcome the seemingly endless personal challenges, patterns of self sabotage and confusion around thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Why was conscious awareness not enough?

Compassionate responses to those parts don’t seem to work either. Often times, you notice a wounded part activate, and you soothe, comfort and coddle those aspects of yourself - the wounded parts that seek respite through withdrawal, disconnection or avoidant behaviours. That too, seems to be a temporary solution. So what is missing, that conscious awareness and compassionate response was not enough? Emotional processing does not seem to work either. Pain can be grieved, cried and processed through, and still the wounds can linger. It is not yet integrated. The parts remain just that, disconnected parts. There was no ‘whole’ yet.

Hmmm. Confusing. As time progresses and life humbles you with deep, painful experiences, something remarkable can happen. Trauma can be such a perspective-expanding and life altering experience, where unhelpful, restrictive and even sometimes judgemental thoughts and entrenched beliefs about self, the world and others can be let go of and replaced.

Within my own experience of integration, I learned to turn towards my experiences with a genuine, humble honesty. I surrendered to the truth of myself, that I too, have darkness within me, as all people do. And I did not soothe it, I did not mask it or explain it away. I simply allowed it to be, receiving the information as it is, without changing it, beautifying or diluting it. It was just the truth. Just reality. And I received it with acceptance. For the first time, I simply accepted that those parts existed, as I accepted that the sky was blue and the clouds were white. It was neither relieving, nor shame inducing. It was simply reality.

And then it happened. Integration. I finally experienced this magical concept, that I had so often read about and so little understood. I believe that integration can only occur when you accept a part of yourself, often an unseemly, shameful or ‘bad’ part, with openness, honesty and acceptance. No changing, no minimisation, no explaining it away. It just is, and it is allowed to be, just as it is. It is now whole with everything else, and it fits, because it has always fit. You just never allowed yourself to acknowledge its existence. Somehow, through surrender, I found peace. through acceptance, I found love. Through confrontation of truth in reality, I experienced integration.

And man, is it something else. You are calm, at peace, and have complete clarity over your inner world. Your experiences cease to scare you, and you feel ready to explore these new aspects of yourself with confident strength and deep understanding. They are no longer your puppeteers from the shadows, leading you into old, unhelpful patterns. They are now exposed to the light and visible, and you see just how small and un-scary they are. You reclaim control and walk alongside those parts, now part of a whole, and now under your control. This, I believe, is integration.

Therapeutic Skill of the Week

This week, we are going to discuss deep, diaphragmatic breathing. I am sure you are all sick of the internet and therapists telling you to breathe deeply, but we won’t stop recommending it because it seriously works wonders!

Half the time, your nervous system is distressed because you are not getting enough oxygen, which places your body into a stressed-state. We breathe shallow or even hold our breath when we feel anxious or overwhelmed, so focusing on deep, mindful and diaphragmatic breaths can help short-circuit your stress system, returning slowly but surely to the blessed shores of ventral vagal. Let us begin:

1) Sitting comfortably in a chair or lying on your back, place one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach.

2) Turn your attention to your stomach, slowly deepening your breath and feeling your stomach rise with the inhale, falling with the exhale. Do your best, naturally we breathe through our chest, so give yourself some time to find your rhythm.

3) As you get comfortable with the rhythm of breath, start to lengthen the exhale, breathing out slow and long, longer than the inhale if possible. This will help the body settle deeper into a relaxed state.

4) Breathe in this way for a few minutes, checking in regularly on your body and noticing when your mind wanders away, gently bringing it back to the breath, back to the stomach and the rhythm of your breath.

All my very best, with love and hope,

Tala

Poetic Reflections

“Try not to resist the changes that come your way.

Instead, let life live through you.

And do not worry that your life is turning upside down.

How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”

- Rumi